


I Don't Belong

by Nabila



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Engagement, F/M, Heartbreak
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-24 11:25:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10740750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nabila/pseuds/Nabila
Summary: Jon and Sansa are engaged, but something goes wrong.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this in mind for months now, so I've decided to write it. It's gonna be very short, no longer than 3 chapters

It was a day to celebrate, an event to remember: Jon and Sansa’s engagement. It was indeed celebrated with a party all their friends took part in.

Sansa had her little group of lifetime friends, the ones who had been with her since kindergarten and who had been waiting for Jon to propose since things got serious between them. Margaery, Jeyne, Roslin and Loras were a huge part of her life and accepted Jon the minute he got into Sansa’s life. He was a man of few words and broody at times, but he was always polite and sociable with all of them.

As for Jon, he had a bunch of very interesting, particular friends that Sansa secretly defined as “savages”. They had a life and a way to approach people that was miles away from Sansa’s, she had tried to be nice and attempted to entertain a conversation with them, especially with the girls, but it all wound up being the most awkward encounters ever for her. She had wished to bond with them to a certain extent, but unfortunately it was all in vain. For Jon, she hanged out with them, welcomed them in her home, did everything in her capability to not let her discomfort be in the way of their relationship.

All because everytime he spent time with them, he was so happy that he had a smile upon his face, a rarity for Jon. 

However, the day of their engagement party, everything seemed different. She had accepted to marry him because they deeply loved each other and that was what mattered the most, but in that moment, among his dearest friends who once again managed to let Jon smile and laugh, in the very moment she was sitting in a corner with Marg and Loras, she realized she would never belong in his world.

She was at their very own engagement party with Jon surrounded by his friends, female ones even, with the attention directed only to her fiancé and an extreme high alcohol content.

“It’s a mistake,” she whispered to herself as she stood up, took her purse and headed towards the exit of the club they rented for the night.

She loved him more than anything, but she was aware his friends were very important to him and she understood it, she understood the meaning of having amazing friends by her side. Losing Margaery of all people would be devastating to her and Jon would never ask her to end her friendship with her, just as she wouldn’t ask him to end his friendship with them.

Maybe she was just freaking out because MARRIAGE or maybe she was coming to the final realization that she doesn’t belong with him, because as Spice girls would say “if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends” and she totally didn’t get with his friends.

“Better late than never,” she breathed as she was taking some fresh air outside the club.

She didn’t know what she was going to do. Leave alone? Call the others? Waiting for everyone to go home?

“Yeah, like Jon will be free anytime soon,” she thought sarcastically.

She decided to tell her friends she wanted to go home, so they could choose what to do next. Margaery had a very honed sixth sense and she surely was gonna ask her what happened, which meant she was ready to take the ice cream and cry on her shoulder.

She gave herself other five minutes before going in again, Jon was way too drunk to understand anything in there, let alone notice her.

“Sansa?? What are you doing outside?” she heard him as he was reaching for her. Ok maybe he’d notice and maybe he wasn’t that drunk.

“Just taking some air,” she turned around and gave him a tight-lipped smile.

“Is there something wrong?” he inclined his head in confusion, he could swear he saw red lines on her lower eyelids.

“I’m ok, I just need to go home now. It’s been a long night.”

“I’m coming with you, I’ll tell them we’re going. The club is already paid, they have it as long as they want.”

“No, no. Stay with them, I’ll tell Marg and Loras to come with me,” she had to think through about what she would tell him eventually and talk about it with Marg first.

He took a few steps, wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned his forehead against hers, “it’s our night San, I haven’t been with you since it started,” he kissed her.

She abruptly ended the kiss, “that’s very nice you noticed.”

He was taken aback by her harsh voice, “you’re angry,” he simply stated.

She slipped away from his grasp, “I’m not, I need to go home and get some sleep.”

He wasn’t buying it, though, “Sansa if there’s something I’ve done, please tell me. I don’t wanna fight, I don’t want you to be mad. We’re celebrating our engagement, we should be happy we’re getting married.”

She was starting to get annoyed and she let the words out without thinking, “if there will ever be a wedding,” she closed her eyes. She said it and she couldn’t take it back.

His heart skipped a beat, fear and panic creeping over his face “what? what are you saying Sansa?” his eyes desperately looking for an answer.

She paused and collected the right words to say, “we shouldn’t get married, I made a mistake I shouldn't have said yes. I don’t belong here, with you and your friends. I’m an outsider and always will be, doesn’t matter how I try. I don’t fit, I don’t belong. They’re important to you and I can’t possibly imagine to let you choose, so I choose for you,” she failed to keep tears streaming down her face, she maintained her composure though.

Jon was numb, petrified. Her words were playing in his head over and over again trying to make sense out of them.

“I’m going now, we’ll talk tomorrow,” she crossed her arms to look more resolute than she really was.

“No,” he finally talked after the first minutes of shock, “you’re joking, it’s not real. Is it? Marg told you to play with me, right? and tomorrow it’ll be over and we’ll be together,” he said as his eyes stared into the void.

“It’s not a joke, Jon. I’m calling it off, for our own good” she slid her ring off and handed it to Jon.

“I’m sorry, I wish there was another way,” she disappeared behind the door of the club as Jon stayed still while his whole world was crushing down and his heart was shattering into a million pieces.


	2. Chapter 2

“This the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” that was Margaery speaking as Sansa was eating ice cream sitting on her Loras and Marg’s couch.

“You broke off the engagement! five years together and you’ve decided now that you can’t deal with those bunch of barbaric beings he calls friends?”

Sansa turned her head, looking abjectly at her friend, “I’m an idiot, I’m aware of that. I’ve waited till this day to realize it, but at least I did it before the wedding.”

“San…why is that so important? They’re his friends and you’re gonna see them every once in a while and…”

“They’re like family to him,” Sansa interrupted her, “they’re always by his side. They’re very good friends, good people, I can’t deny it. I’m just not into their clique, I’m there because I am…I was Jon’s fiancée. We just didn’t click when I met them the first time.”

“Is that what you want? to be in their clique?” Margaery was not sure where Sansa was getting with her reasoning.

“No, but Jon is part of it. He loves being part of the clique, of this group of people. It’s been like this for 15 years now. Where do I stand?”

“I don’t think that’s Jon’s main concern,” she smiled, with that sweet, gentle smile of hers, “he wants to marry you, to spend the rest of his life with you, not with them.”

“Yeah, for now. What’s gonna happen in 5 years? 10? 20? He’s gonna hate me!!”

“Don’t say such things! He could never hate you! and for what exactly?”

“For taking him away from them. Because he’d choose me over them If I asked him, but I can’t let him do it,” she shook her head.

“You’re talking about a choice. There’s no choice to make, why should he choose?”

“Because I’m not sure I wanna compromise,” and there it was the truth about her sudden decision.

“They’re a huge part of his life, we’ve been living together for a year and there’s no day I haven’t seen them in our home, they are a constant presence even when I’m tired and I just wanna be alone with him, it’s like they literally read my mind and decide to show up,” she snorted “and I don’t wanna do it anymore, I can’t.”

“This is a problem you should have told him before. God Sansa, this is called communication!”

She huffed, “the problem is that I can’t tell him. He’s happy Marg, he smiles and laughs when they’re around and when he smiles...I love to see him smile, he’s amazing. You know Jon, usually he’s not…”

“He’s kinda broody, I know. But have you ever seen how he looks at you?” she asked her, wondering if she’s ever really paid attention to Jon when he was with her.

“He’s his normal self,” she shrugged.

Marg put her hands on her mouth completely left gobsmacked, “Oh dear lord, you seriously clueless! You are the light of his life! It’s not about smiling and laughing or having fun when you’re around, it’s about him beaming whenever you’re next to him, staring at you like you’re his whole, entire world.”

“He can have that with someone else, someone who will be a more consistent part of his world and make him even happier,” and another spoon full of ice cream sadly and shamefully ended up in her mouth at the thought of Jon with another woman, more suitable for him. 

Marg closed her eyes, wishing Sansa didn’t really say it, “excuse me? who else could he look that way?”

“There are so many drooling over him, there’s plenty of choice,” she mumbled.

“Oh my god, again with the choice. He doesn’t want a choice to make! and don’t even start with his lady friends, you were jealous of them in the early days of your relationship, which was understandable. Now I don’t even wanna talk about them, they’re just friends. Period.”

“But…”

“No, I don’t wanna hear about the stuff they have common. That’s not a measure to choose the person you love. Jon loves you for who you are, things in common or not,” Marg already got enough of Sansa’s nonsense and she was literally losing it, which was pretty big considering she never ever lost her patience. 

“You can’t change my mind,” Sansa was resolute, Marg could tell her everything, but the decision had been made.

She nodded “I can’t tonight. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Marg…”

“I’m your best friend. You can’t expect me to be ok with your rush, dumb decision. Don’t ask me that, you and Jon are meant to be together. I still remember the first time you bumped into each other, I was right beside you, I witnessed every second of it. It was like watching a rom-com unfolding in front of me,” she dreamily heaved.

There was a sudden knock on the door that made them jump on the couch. Marg got up and went to open it and there he was, Jon with his tired, rimmed-red eyes and his curls all disheveled.

She bitterly smiled, her eyes staring at him like he was being a tragic victim suffering underserved harm at the hands of the person he loved the most.

“Marg, she wasn’t home. Is she here?” he wasn’t asking, he was begging with his puppy eyes.

She stepped out of the apartment and closed the door behind her, “yes and If I could, I’d let you see her, but I can’t.”

He furrowed his brows, “what? why?”

“Because it’d be all in vain,” it hurt even Marg to say it, but it was the truth and she couldn't lie to him. Not if she wanted to help him.

“She ended our engagement, she left me,” he was about to burst into tears, “I have to talk to her, she told me things I don’t understand. She just panicked….”

“Jon, please calm down. I need you to listen to me. I tried to reason with her, but there’s no chance to succeed, you’re the only one who can talk her out of this, but not now. She wouldn’t listen, she has a lot on her mind.”

“Then when???” he was beyond frustrated that he had Sansa behind that door, but he couldn’t reach her.

“We need to talk first, so I can explain you everything. I’m her best friend, I know her and I love her, but she’s stubborn and she really believes she’s doing you a favor, which is really the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard her saying,” she was whispering afraid Sansa was eavesdropping.

“I need her. I need to talk to her. If you let me, everything would be ok by now,” he was sobbing like a child and Margaery truly realized in that moment how much he loved Sansa.

“No, it wouldn’t be like that, because she wouldn’t tell you the whole truth just to let you go. And I don’t want that to happen.”

“I can’t live without her,” he had her ring still in his left hand, he was gripping it like it was the last thing to keep him close to the hope that Sansa would go back to him.

“You won’t. Trust me, I wanna help you, I’m going against my best friend because I believe in you two together. Meet me tomorrow in the morning, I’ll tell Loras to keep Sansa busy. Now go and try to sleep.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well I haven't said it before, but the reason I wrote this is because is kinda personal. I perfectly know how Sansa feels and it sucks. I assure you.

Margaery and Jon met the day after in a café. They sat down and she explained all he had to know, what Sansa was concerned about and what she meant when out of the blue he heard the words “I don’t belong with you and your friends”.

Jon couldn’t lie and say he had never noticed Sansa’s change of behavior when his friends were around, but she used to be nice with them just as much as he was nice with the girl that in that moment was sitting right in front of him.

“She thinks you can find someone else, more suitable for you. Her words were ‘someone who will get along with his friends’” Margaery quoted rolling her eyes at the stupidity.

“I don’t want anybody else,” he sighed, “ why would she..in what world…how..” he rubbed his hands all over his face and heavily sighed. He was nervous, despaired and in need of a logic explanation of the nightmare he was living.

“I told you, she fears you’re going to hate her for keeping you away from your “family” or however you call them.”

He shook his head laughing, “it’s unbelievable. She really thinks I can hate her. Me, Jon Snow hating Sansa Stark.”

“You need to talk, you need to reassure things will change. Because like it or not, if you want to marry her, you’ll need to compromise and Sansa has done it already.”

“I never asked her, she could have told me. We could have talked like all couples do, like we always do about dumb stuff.”

He had a point, “I get why she never told you, it’s understandable. The problem is that she thinks the solution is ending your relationship and move on so that you can have everything you want without compromising your lives.”

He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, “it’s selfish of her to take this decision on my behalf,” he angrily replied.

“In her mind, it’s a way to let you go and have a happy future. It’s selfish but with good intentions.”

He shook his head for the millionth time that morning, “maybe she doesn’t love me anymore, maybe she stopped being in love with me and this is how she ended it without telling me the truth,” now Margaery was seeing him panicking.

“Oh Jon,” she stretched her arm and put her hand on his forearm, “she loves you. Don’t you ever doubt it. She’s never loved someone like she loves you and I’ve seen her going through a lot in her life, believe me."

“Then why am I not with her now? Why am I with you discussing my relationship with her?”

“Because her insecurities are clouding her mind. If you go to her right now, she’s gonna send you away more heartbroken, telling you things she doesn’t mean!”

He tried to cool down a bit, “ok, when can I talk to her?”

“I wanna try to talk to her once more, then I’ll try with her mom. Wait a few days,” she was thinking whether he could actually be that patient, she already knew it’d be hard to get him calm and quiet for more than thee days

“a few days? how long is that??”

“I’ll call you in three days. You could calm down, think how you can adjust your life, maybe having a nice conversation with your friends wouldn’t be that bad. Especially after they made you spend your engagement party away from Sansa, making it look like only your party and not Sansa’s as well,” she snorted.

“I will. Just…please I need her. I can’t wait too long,” he said in that begging voice of his.

She promised him she’d do anything in her capability to let Sansa come to her senses and go back with him. 

It wasn’t easy. Actually no one managed to change her mind. Sansa was very stubborn and proud, her decision was final.

Her mother was helpful at the beginning, showing her how her life with her dad wasn’t that easy, with so many differences and lots of compromise but at the end love prevailed above anything and anyone. Sadly, Sansa was stuck with the idea that Jon deserved someone who would make him happy in a way she couldn't, someone who wouldn’t make him choose or compromise. That was her way to love him.

Jon on his part promised Margaery to not attempt any sort of contact with Sansa. He failed, though. He called her a few times the day after, but she never responded, never texted him back. And he was more heartbroken than ever.

After two days in a constant wait for Marg's call, some of his friends showed up at his door, with beer and snacks for a football match to watch together that late afternoon. He had forgotten to tell them what was going on because they were the reason why he wasn’t with the love his life. He had forgotten about them. They just lay there on his couch, turning on the tv and making themselves comfortable as usual.

“Sansa left me,” he said point blank. They didn’t hear him, though.

Jon headed towards the tv screen and turned it off.

“What the fuck man?” Tormund, the redbeared one, shouted.

“Sansa. left. me.”

He looked at them and he wanted to punch every single one of them in the face out of fury.

“She ended our engagement,” he repeated.

Sam was the first one to speak up, “I’m…I’m sorry Jon. What happened?” Sam was the nicest one, the one he thought Sansa liked and the only one he strangely wasn’t angry with.

“Because of you all." 

“Oh,” that was the shortest sentence Tormund ever said other than burping.

“You don’t like her, do you?” Jon asked them.

“She’s…nice,” Ed stuttered while finding something to say about the girl his best friend was going to marry. 

Grenn looked at all of them and then to Jon,ready to tell the truth, “I don’t hate her and she's hot, but Ygritte is better for you,” Sam threw a punch at his shoulder

“Shut up!!” He warned him.

“Is that what you all think? Jon inquired.

Tormund finally spoke, “listen up. She’s different than all of us. You know, women…I can’t figure them out, but you love her. You found yourself a woman, Snow. If you want her, then go and get her. She’s the one with the cunt, not us,” Jon chuckled, Tormund had his way to talk, that way that Sansa despised so much, but he was honest at least. That was why he had to be honest with them in the first place and tell them how things would change if the wedding was still on.

As they were all laughing they heard the door opening and there she was in all her glory, entering the living room. The laughs abated and Sansa stiffened at the sight of Jon standing in from the the tv with his friends on the couch.

“I..I thought you were at work,” she swiftly said and headed back to the door. She stumbled upon the carpet under her feet, her movements frenetic, she’d never been that clumsy in her life and she was cursing herself for believing Jon was still out.

He ran towards the door and blocked her outside grabbing her elbow and spinning her around, “you can’t walk away like this, not again.”

“I’m sorry, Jon. I promise we’ll talk..”

“NO!” he shouted at her, “what are you planning to tell me? I don't need a prepared speech to make me believe we can't be together, I need the truth.”

She was crying already, “nothing more than I told you that night. I just need time, please go back inside, they’re waiting for you,” the pang in her heart she felt when he saw him laughing with them was painful. Just two days after the annulment of the wedding, he was fine. Why being upset? that was what she wanted, right?

“it’s all about them. I know, Margaery told me everything. We can fix it, we can find a way, that's no reason to break up.” 

“DAMMIT MARG!” she stomped her foot on the ground.

He let go of her arms and quietly said, “you're upset because I know the truth, I know how you feel about my friends and you wanted me to believe something else," he realized, "what did you wanna tell me? that it’s never gonna work? that you don’t wanna be with me? THAT YOU DON’T LOVE ME ANYMORE? just to send me away??” his heart was beating faster and faster.

She lowered her eyes, “if it helps to make you understand it’s over....”

“Alright. Then tell me, look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me.”

She shook her head in tears, “LOOK RIGHT INTO MY EYES AND TELL ME. YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THE PAIN ALL OVER MY FACE. BREAK ME AND IT’LL BE OVER.” He was flushing as a first hint of tears was visible under his eyes.

She stood still, her chest heaving up and down, in search of the right thing to do, to say.

She had no choice, though.


	4. Chapter 4

"I...Jon, I," she shook her head. She didn't have the balls to say it, how could she lie to him? with his grey eyes boring into hers begging her to not say those words, pleading mercy for his heart.

"Say it! and it's over." He shouted in tears, "be brave enough to tell me you don't love me, tell me there's a valid reason why we shouldn't get married."

"Jon, please..." she was actually at lack of words, unable to form a complete sentence. 

"Sansa," she heard another voice beckoning her behind Jon.

"Tormund? give us a few minutes and we're done," she told him faking a smile.

"No, I need to talk to you," he replied a bit embarrassed.

"Me?" She asked not really having any idea how to act around him and what to do with his request.

"Yeah, you. In private." Sansa widened her eyes in disbelief and stayed silent.

Jon spoke up then, "you talk, I'll go inside," he put his hands in his pockets and ambled inside the apartment aware that if Tormund wanted to talk to Sansa, it was arguably for good reasons.

Tormund sighed, "would you mind taking a stroll outside? you know..some fresh air." She nodded and followed him outside.

It was awkward to say the least. They had never spent time together alone before and now they were about to do it in the most inappropriate of times.

There were walking side by side on the pavement, Tormund took a cigarette from his jacket pocket and lit it up, it would serve just to control his nerves, "Jon told me about the annulment of your engagement."

"Yeah....well, it happens. We'll move on, eventually."

"I don't know you well, but I never thought you were such a chicken," he bluntly told her with no finesse or whatsoever.

Sansa abruptly halted and side-eyed Tormund, "excuse me? What did you just say?"

"Don't play indignant with me. We may not know each other, but I can read Jon like a book and he's so fucking in love with you, he'd change anything about himself to be with you and you're here annulling the engagement for what? for me? for those jerks up there?" he pointed at the window on the second floor.

Sansa then got a bit defensive, "I'm doing this for his own good. He can find someone else and believe me, you'll thank me one day."

"Bullshit."

"What a great argument," she mocked him, "like it or not, the wedding is cancelled. And no one can do anything about it."

"I've always wondered why you're so thick, Sansa. You barely change your mind, don't you?"

"I know what's best for Jon and for me," she said angrily, "changing my mind won't change certain factors of our relationship!"

"And then try to talk to him and you'll compromise. I know one or two things about relationships and comprise is one of them. We'll get used to your married life, we're not always gonna be around."

She huffed, "Yeah, right. Just like in the past year."

"And what did you do in the past year? Lemme tell you, woman: you're not easy as well, but we accepted you because Jon loves you."

"You accepted me??? When? What did you do to accept me??? I tried so hard to fit in, but you made it abundantly clear I don't exist for you, I'm just one of his girls he's gonna dump anyway!" she almost shouted in his face.

"One of the girls? What? He's a damn handsome bastard, but he's no playboy. He never introduced a girl because he wanted to be sure we met the right girl, and then you came and I knew you were the one."

"He dated girls before me and you never met any of them?"

"No, little bird," he chuckled, "only you. And the night he took you home, he was so nervous and excited for us to meet you. He even asked if I liked you at the end of the evening and I was only supportive of you two. We've ALL been supportive inspire our differences."

"That means your opinion is important to him, don't you see that????? You're too damn important!!!"

"SO????"

"We are at the opposite sides of a road, Tormund. We never come together, we never cross path and I thought it was ok, because it's not like Jon is always on the same page with my friends. But...," she sighed as though defeated by the reality of things, "you all have a type of friendship I don't understand, you have a special bond I can't fully fathom because of your past together and there's this line between us I cannot pass that makes me feel far away from Jon, so distant from him and...I can't do this. I can't, Tormund. I can't be the wife that asks her husband to choose, I don't want him to choose whether to be with you or with me."

He cleared his throat then,"Sansa, I care about Jon. I've cared about him for the last fifteen years, I've seen him growing up and become a man. I was by his side during his mom's sickness and after her death. I saw him struggling for many years, I saw him trying to date girls hoping to find the right woman for him and I've seen him with you for the past five years. Believe me when I tell you he's been the most alive since he met you, he turned his life upside down only for you, because you're the reason he wants to be happy again. You're the one he wants to build the family he never had with, and you can't let us be in your way to happiness. You just cannot let this happen." He said looking directly in her eyes, not allowing her to distract herself from his words. 

In that moment Sansa felt her heart glowing, she wasn't that close to him, but his validation was probably what was she sought the most. And weirdly enough, she was aware that Tormund made a huge effort to be that nice to her.

"Thank you for these words, I appreciate your effort." She thanked him, "but the problem is still there."

"And we'll fix things. Step by step," his voice was imposing this time, she felt like Tormund was not accepting any of her excuses, "We'll all make the effort to be a family!" He smiled down at her, "and you as well, my lady. You'll try with us for his sake because he deserves happiness after years of constant suffering," he huffed, "can you then go back inside and reassure that poor soul that you're going to marry him? I can't see him like that anymore."

"Not yet."

"Not yet? You kidding? He's dying, he's desperate. I've never seen him losing his patience that easily."

Sansa laid a hand on his shoulder, "don't worry. Just go back in there and tell him I'll be back in a couple hours. He can handle himself a little bit more."


End file.
